It's not all bad.

After you've whined publicly you feel a need to do some sort of retraction. Life is really not that bad. It just felt that way when I decided to write my last entry. After I finished, I started thinking of ways in which God has provided in the midst of chaos.

One of the cool things was getting a month long assignment at a really cool school a few months ago. That was fun cuz I loved the kids, even though it was hard work, I loved building relationships with them. Through that time I found a school that really liked me. They call me when they can so it's a sweet deal. In addition, I randomly found out that they were going to throw out hundreds of science books. There is nothing wrong with these books. However they have to get rid of them because they are using a new publisher. So I decided I would ship all the books to Nigeria. I remebered that when I visited my cousin's school, I didn't see anything close to a textbook. In her biology class, she copied the textbook, and all the kids were responsible for copying her notebook, notes and diagrams. To me it only seeemed natural to try and send the books to her.

I didn't realize that the school had over 100 boxes of books. As I started taking them home, I started thinking of how I was going to get it to Nigeria. I explored different options and it appeared that it would cost about $1500 to ship the books. But I was prepared to do it because I'd already made the committment. Had no idea where I was going to get that money but I was trusting God to provide. Then one day my mom told me she found someone who was shipping a container in Nigeria. Woohoo. Without me really doing anything, God provided a way for me to get the books over there relatively cheaply. The main thing I have to deal with now is getting all those books to the shipping location, and deal with the logistics of their delivery. But it's cool to see how God provided.

There are other cool things happening, so I constantly have to remember to thank God for His blessings. My over thinking is what messes me up sometimes. All the whatifs always end so badly. I have to fight a battle daily to rid myself of negativity. Some days I win, some days I lose spectacularly. On the days I lose, I'm not happy with myself and I'm mad at everyone around me. It's horrible and I wish I had a cure.